Know Thyself – A parody of Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself (Abridged Version)

I respect the laws thus I will not flee

Unexamined lives are not worth living for me

Since the time of departure has almost arrived

Could someone please help me lead out my wife?

And yes I did write a hymn

Along with poetry based on Aesop’s Fables, yes my mind is stable

And I don’t think the soul will be gone

When it’s freed from this coil created by the gods

Maybe I can prove that:

The soul is immortal to destroy your dread.

Eternal psyches contrast bodies to be shed

And how else can we explain

The knowledge we recollect

And yes I see

You don’t wish to speak up to deject

But if you dislike the points I make that much;

Present your concerns; Please gnothi seauton

I believe them though I have yet to shown them

So quit worrying and gnothi seauton

Now we see the soul resemble what’s divine

And the body something approaching demise

And even after leaving this body so frail

The invisible soul must survive the veil

The sun is setting, so here’s my final proof:

The soul is immortal, since it is what causes life

And thus it is a form,

And won’t become its opposite;

And yes I see

It pains you to see me take this shot

Please don’t dislike the way I chose that much;

Stop your tears; teleiton alypos.

Oh Crito, we owe a cock

To Asclepius – don’t forget to pay the debt.

Ignorance

     If all the world's a stage, than life is surely a tragedy, dotted with comic relief. Not to make us feel better, but so we can be pulled into despair again and again.
     The actors of this world can be divided roughly in two. Those who see the tragedy that is life, and those who don't.
     The actors who see the tragedy can then be divided again, in two. Some do not conceal their disdain, wishing to be recognized. As a result, they are rebuked by the actors around them for the negativity they bring wherever they go. Others choose to contain their disdain within a facade, attempting to blend in with the ones who don't see life as a tragedy.
     Whether it's the actors who don't see the tragedy that is life, those who blend in, or those who weep, they all lose just as much as they have gained. Flies do not distinguish between sages and spurrers.
     The end of philosophy, this pursuit of ultimate knowledge, unavoidably ends with the realization that everything the philosopher has done in life, up to and including philosophy itself, is a deliciously saturated country pancake.
     Thus, what is the point of the knowledge regarding this stage, other than that it forces one to either live as a hermit of the cities, or an actor, doomed to play a character they are not forever?
    In conclusion, it is probably better to laugh and amuse ourselves towards our last bow. Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Sherlock Paradise -- Parody of "Gangsta Paradise" and "Amish Paradise"

As I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Fear
I take a look at the case and realize -- oh Watson, my dear;
That I've been searching, reasoning so long that,
Even Mrs Hudson would know that my approach is wrong.
Leave Lestrade the credit though he didn’t deserve it
I’ve only lost four times, so that’s not unheard of
That engineer said the ceiling was coming down
Mention the woman to me and expect to see me frown
With the help of dear Toby I traced down the last of four
 That dart would have got me if it went down a bit more
I'm the sorta G the Baker Street Irregulars wanna be like
Solving crimes day and night earning bread and delight

We’ve been spending most our lives,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
Just my dear Watson and I,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
We give red head men advice,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
Finding what dancing men imply,
living in the Sherlock paradise.

Look at the Devil’s-foot root they got me sniffin’
I love my detective life, finding clues from the streets.
But now I gotta settle and have my seven percent;
Then we go to the Turkish bath to figure what all that meant.
I'm an uneducated genius with logic on my mind,
Got my cane in my hand and magnifying glass to my eye.
I'm a consulting detective out for my prey,
You cannot get away so prepare to pay.
Death ain't nothing but a waterfall away,
I’m fighting hard, do or die, what can I say?
It’s '91 now, I might live to see '92
The way things will go I don't know.

A boulder falls down, Moran I see --
That dangerous Colonel is after me.

We’ve been spending most our lives,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
Meet hounds glowing super sized,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
Beware of orange pips bone dry,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
We clean twisted lips from guys,
living in the Sherlock paradise.

Eastern wind is coming, such coldness and bitter;
Never happened before, maybe some will wither.
Everybody's fighting, but many ain't realizing
What Sherlock I’ve been doing, foreign espionage stoppin’.
They say they gotta solve, but nobody's there to guide them,
If they can't understand it, how can I teach them?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't,
So here you go -- that’s why I’m not in Scotland Yard.

We’ve been spending most our lives,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
We stalk people in disguise,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
I fight snakes in rooms locked tight,
living in the Sherlock paradise.
For the public I shall die,
and solve puzzles in my afterlife.